Textbook time!

Late last week, one of my class reps sent out a survey from the class of 2010 (well, a third of the class of 2010) about second-year textbooks. Exciting! I definitely bought way too many books for first year, though, so I'm trying to hold off this time. The top-rated books for pathophysiology are subject-specific (Lilly's Pathophysiology of Heart Disease, Despommier's Parasitic Diseases), but I'm debating about supplementing with a general pathology book. Robbins, perhaps? Or BRS?)

Truly, though, I'm nerd enough to be looking forward to the start of second year. I went ice skating this weekend with some high school friends, one of whom is now a pharm tech. He was lecturing pharm to everyone who would listen -- basically, me. So exciting to think that in a year, I'll know everything he was talking about! :)

I mean, second year will probably be scary. More volume, more detail. That pesky little board exam in June. Building on previously learned material. Which I have pretty much completely forgotten. (Bones of the wrist? What? I only vaguely remember our rotund little professor with the sweat issues, standing in front of a slide of a giant hand and telling us a dirty mnemonic about Tillie's pants.) But also really cool! I mean, parasites! What could possibly be more interesting than that!

Overtired and undermotivated.

I feel like I'm in over my head again and kind of want to shut the world out. Or at least the med school part of it. I just want to flit from one social engagement to another -- tonight I'm going to a play, tomorrow to a dance -- instead of being holed up in my room or the library wondering why, exactly, apical ENaC channels are so important. And because my heart isn't really in it, my studying is very unproductive. I stare at the wall a lot.

It snowed today, you see. Snowfall is always beautiful, but in New York the beauty is fleeting. Already, the streets have turned to brownish slush. I really wanted to make it down to Central Park to take pictures, but, like I said. Studying. Death.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm missing out on life. I am living in the greatest city in the world, and I feel like I can't enjoy it because I have to study. And I know that these demands on my time will only get bigger as I move through the ranks of medicine.

*deep breath*

I am reading Jerome Groopman's How Doctors Think at bedtime, and it's wonderful. I wish that this, rather than The Spirit Catches You, had been our summer reading. The cultural dynamics of Spirit were fascinating and obviously relevant, but Groopman's book is more immediately applicable, I feel. Also better-written. Like Oliver Sacks, he revives the case study as a narrative form. Although it's billed as "how to avoid misdiagnosis," it's really just about listening to the patient and the patient's body. And zebras.

First exams are in about ten days. My study group met for the first time this afternoon and we tried to cover three weeks' worth of material in just a few hours. It was rough, but I think it was worthwhile. Much easier to study when there are others to talk through the slides with.

Tomorrow, we are going into the anatomy lab to look at various cadavers and aberrancies. Our anatomy exam is only on the thorax, but it's frightening to think how much material is contained in just that segment.

We start clerkships next week. It's not anything like 3rd year rotations: we just learn to interview patients under the guidance of a clinical care provider. We had a practice session today with patient-actors, and it was incredibly difficult.... Perhaps I was concentrating too hard on my body language, because I had trouble coming up with things to say. Whereas I'm sure that if I met this woman (or character, whatever) in a regular social context, without the white coat, I would find it much easier to establish rapport, etc.

On the fun side of things, I went to a wine tasting last night and learned all about Italian wines. It was sort of my last free night before I buckle down and study.

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Now playing: Josh Groban - Cinema Paradiso (Se)
via FoxyTunes

First day!

As first days go, this was among the best.

I woke up early with an adrenaline rush and watched the sun rise (or rather, the reflection of the sunrise; my room faces west). Made myself a proper breakfast and spent the morning running last-minute errands: getting my name pin fixed, picking up my anatomy book and white coat, things like that.

We only had class from 10-12 today, with a five-minute break between the lectures. It wasn't too difficult; they are starting off with college-level biochemistry, which I majored in. Aside from a very few numerical details, I had seen the material before. I guess that's why they say college biochem helps in med school. Granted, in one hour we covered about two weeks' worth of college material, but the familiarity helps get things settled.

In the afternoon I went grocery shopping to a new store. Had to hike through Harlem to get there, through an area that looked like the Jets and the Sharks were just around the corner, snapping their fingers and dancing like the extremely fey gang members they are. Definitely wouldn't want to go there at night, but the selection and cost was worth it.

I also cooked today! I'm very proud of myself, even if it was just and pasta. Cooking makes a nice break from studying. I think I'll be doing a lot of it.

And I just watched a beautiful crimson sunset over the Hudson as lights shone on the George Washington Bridge and a canoe paddled downriver. God, I love this place.

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Now playing: Mark O'Connor - Butterfly's Day Out
via FoxyTunes